The Smelly Cheese

I'm going to go "tv geek" for a split second and shine some more light on this whole "writer's strike" bidness since, shockingly, large media conglomerates aren't doing a lot of reporting on the subject. (Hint: They don't want you to notice "Grey's Anatomy" will be off the air for 3 months and replaced with "Who wants to be my Mommy?" or "Are You Smarter than a person with Dwarfism?")

Apparently Mike Eisner, CEO of Disney, has yet to find a way to make any cash off this crazy new thing called the "interweb." http://www.alleyinsider.com/2007/11/eisner-on-that.html

Thus he can't give the writers a share of money that isn't being made. Uh huh. So, exactly where does the $1.99 per episode fee of "Desperate Housewives," on iTunes go Mike? How about "Lost?" Or "Grey's?" Or the $12.99 for the new Pirates movie? Unless Steve Jobs has compromising photos of Eisner (which is a distinct possibly given Jobs bent on world domination) I'm guessing Disney gets a healthy portion of all those download fees. I also suspect that revenue from 4-5 advertisements that one has to sit through while watching streaming video on abc.com isn't being donated to the Salvation Army either.

But, Mikey Mouse says that his company literally hasn't a penny to spare from all these internet ventures. So where does all that money go? I have a theory. Eisner has signed Disney up to a terrible Internet provider. Think about it. The average consumer pays anywhere from $25-50 for high speed Internet right? Millions of those same customers are downloading Disney products from the web. So how is Disney going to house those millions of digital television shows and movies? A gigantic Internet server "lock box." Al Gore talked about it and we all laughed at him, but now it has come to pass. Do you know what kind of monthly bill Disney is racking up by having to house that much information. Let's see... Comcast charges me $42.95 so... Disney is probably paying a 37.96 gazillion dollars for Internet service. And don't forget the state tax fees, cause Disney has to pay for all 50 states too.

So now we can all see why there's just simply no money in online video entertainment. It's just too darn expensive. So suck it up you crybaby writers! I'm looking at you "24!" What the hell was that last season? Has Keifer Sutherland gotten the entire staff drunk by osmosis?

At this point I think we all have to assume that Dubya is clearly not well. I mean it's one thing for political cartoonists and Al Jazeera to make our president out to be some right-wing nutjob hurling bombs at any country he wants, but now the man is truly fucking scaring me.

World be warned! We don't even need shitty intelligence to bomb your ass. If you're thinking about it, we're coming for you. If you've got arabic speaking people in your country and you build a fucking tool shed... Boo Ya!!! What a great foreign policy. I'm serious. Isn't the next logical step to develop some kind of "thought crime" task force ala "Minority Report," and just wait for the magical eight ball to tell us which countries are going to attack next. I say full steam ahead, especially if Tom Cruise heads up the task force and Speilberg is directing the NSA.

America, fuck yeah!