The Smelly Cheese

While the mainstream media's "love/hate boner" (pending copyright) for the Clinton political machine lingers for what has to be a medically unsafe amount of time, our polling data at the Smelly Cheese allows us to officially call the 2008 presidential race for... the Clinton/Obama ticket. Yes, that's right. We're going to have a white woman as president and black man as her vice president.

Barack needs to be ready to accept the VP nomination. Why? Do I need to say it? America is not electing a black man as president. Trent Lott is still technically a United States senator, case and point. Don Imus is going to get another job, Bill O'Reilly still has a job... point being there are still a lot of really powerful yet ignorant, white asshats all over this country. And as long as Toby Keith still has red/white/blue blood boiling underneath that straw cowboy hat you can be damn certain that an African American named "Barack Obama," will never be elected to commander-in-chief.

"Please Barack, don't make this any harder than it already is... It's me not you." The guy has barely been a senator for half of his first term and as far as I can glean his campaign is about "change," and "hope." He seems like a good man and he's going to get the all important "Oprah," endorsement but he has one glaring flaw... he doesn't actually have the "audacity" to stand for what he believes in. Hillary Clinton is a fucking flawed candidate. She's got major weaknesses, the most important one being her 2002 Iraq war vote hanging around her neck. Yet, Obama has danced around the issue behaving like a gentleman at a dinner party politely pointing out that another guest has crumbs on their shirt. If Barack doesn't have the chutzpah to tell Hillary she's a calculating, cold-hearted bitch, how exactly is he going confront the inevitable "old-timey" racism in the general election. Will he be able to clearly convey his anti-war stance amidst the beating of the republican "national security" drum? Can he even do that now?

Here's what I know about the Clintons, they're savvy politicians. Bill, more than Hillary, has such a silver tongue that he can literally tell you exactly what you don't want to hear... and make it palatable. Hillary has become much more adept at this tactic, but instead of being considered a master politician she gets labeled as a combination of Martha Stewart and Medusa. The Clintons are professional liars aka, politicians... and they're fucking great at it. Bill left office with a 64% approval rating. That's after he got put through impeachment proceedings for getting a hummer. They have international credibility and experience dealing with the other side of the political spectrum. I trust Bill and Hillary making the next big foreign policy decision. I don't know or trust Obama because he has no record of any decision making. "I was against the decision to go to war in 2002." That's great Barack, you were a fucking state senator in Illinois when you had to make that gutsy political move. Oddly enough though, since you've been playing in the big leagues your voting record looks strikingly familiar to Mrs. Clinton's and every other democrat.

The very sad truth is that I want Barack Obama to be president. He seems like a good human being with the kind of charisma that a natural leader should have. However, that is unfortunately not enough in today's political climate and I have to put my money on the horse that's going to win the race not the one that makes me feel good about myself. In 2016 Mr. Obama will become the next president because by then we will be a more tolerant bunch, ready to accept not just a black president but probably an African American, lesbian secretary of defense.... wait, we already have that now. See we're already makin' progress people.