President Al Gore
Written by Captain Spork on 8:48 AM
Has a pretty nice ring to it, eh? Especially since he's got a brand spankin' new Nobel Peace prize in his back pocket. Isn't that what we're looking for in a leader? A anti-war, green candidate that has experience in Washington and in the real world. And what's more presidential that being the vice-president for eight years during one the largest economic booms in our country's history. "GORE 2008," has a nice simplicity to it.
Oh, wait.... we already had the chance to elect Gore. Remember those "hanging chads" from about seven years ago? Yup, that was basically the same dude running for president (minus a Nobel). Al Gore looks pretty fucking sweet compared to George "Children do learn," Bush. But he's not running because he's getting to much shit done on his own, apparently. He already put himself through the presidential gauntlet and had his dreams crushed (technically he did win, but we won't get started on the electoral college).
Ahhhh yes.... 2000. I remember quite a few of my college friends declaring that there was no difference between Gore and Bush. They were both corporate lackeys and picking between them was essentially an unprincipled choice of "the lesser of two evils." Big thanks to Radiohead, hydroponic weed and Ralph Nader for that kind of symbolic rhetoric. That's right I don't blame butterfly ballots or disenfranchised voters in Florida for giving us Dubya. I blame the lack of foresight by a group of snooty bastards that voted for Nader or some other irrelevant candidate. Way to go asshats! I sure hope you feel really good about your "principles" now.
Oh by the way, how's the environment fared over the last 7 years? Not to worry though because it seems that Al Gore is an actual "man of principal," since he's spent the last few years trying to actually save change environmental policy around the world. That's right you hemp supporting jerk-offs. Al Gore actually has the political clout and intellectual balls to work with "both sides" to get things done. Instead screaming hackneyed slogans in the general direction of people meeting at the WTO and then getting yourself arrested for some "street cred," Gore can actually have a "meeting" with the "corporate cronies" and get them to budge on their greenhouse gas emissions.
Alas, the "Al Gore for Prez" ship has long since sailed away. I just hope against hop that reincarnation of the Nader vote nutjobs (I'm looking at you moveon.org) have the foresight and the realism to get the hell out of the way in November of 2008. Make no mistake it's already started. Hillary is "too conservative." She voted "for the war," and she's part of the D.C. "establishment." Guess what jaggoffs? She's the candidate. I'm sorry if you can't tell the difference between Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani then you have no business voting at all. Therein lies the rub. Moveon.org and the Dennis Kucinich-tribe of the democratic party think that their fight is keeping Hillary off the ticket. They couldn 't be more wrong if they were trying to solicit sex in a Burger King bathroom. The fight isn't between Obama and Hillary, it's between Hillary and fucking Fred Thompson people! You wanna see a country regress about 30 years? Then keep painting Hillary Clinton as a Washington fat-cat with too much political expediency.
2008 is a reality check folks. We have the opportunity to vote for a candidate that makes sense or a couple of candidates that will make us feel less guilty about all of the shit that has happened over the last 7 years. I'll delve into who's who later.
Oh, wait.... we already had the chance to elect Gore. Remember those "hanging chads" from about seven years ago? Yup, that was basically the same dude running for president (minus a Nobel). Al Gore looks pretty fucking sweet compared to George "Children do learn," Bush. But he's not running because he's getting to much shit done on his own, apparently. He already put himself through the presidential gauntlet and had his dreams crushed (technically he did win, but we won't get started on the electoral college).
Ahhhh yes.... 2000. I remember quite a few of my college friends declaring that there was no difference between Gore and Bush. They were both corporate lackeys and picking between them was essentially an unprincipled choice of "the lesser of two evils." Big thanks to Radiohead, hydroponic weed and Ralph Nader for that kind of symbolic rhetoric. That's right I don't blame butterfly ballots or disenfranchised voters in Florida for giving us Dubya. I blame the lack of foresight by a group of snooty bastards that voted for Nader or some other irrelevant candidate. Way to go asshats! I sure hope you feel really good about your "principles" now.
Oh by the way, how's the environment fared over the last 7 years? Not to worry though because it seems that Al Gore is an actual "man of principal," since he's spent the last few years trying to actually save change environmental policy around the world. That's right you hemp supporting jerk-offs. Al Gore actually has the political clout and intellectual balls to work with "both sides" to get things done. Instead screaming hackneyed slogans in the general direction of people meeting at the WTO and then getting yourself arrested for some "street cred," Gore can actually have a "meeting" with the "corporate cronies" and get them to budge on their greenhouse gas emissions.
Alas, the "Al Gore for Prez" ship has long since sailed away. I just hope against hop that reincarnation of the Nader vote nutjobs (I'm looking at you moveon.org) have the foresight and the realism to get the hell out of the way in November of 2008. Make no mistake it's already started. Hillary is "too conservative." She voted "for the war," and she's part of the D.C. "establishment." Guess what jaggoffs? She's the candidate. I'm sorry if you can't tell the difference between Hillary Clinton and Rudy Giuliani then you have no business voting at all. Therein lies the rub. Moveon.org and the Dennis Kucinich-tribe of the democratic party think that their fight is keeping Hillary off the ticket. They couldn 't be more wrong if they were trying to solicit sex in a Burger King bathroom. The fight isn't between Obama and Hillary, it's between Hillary and fucking Fred Thompson people! You wanna see a country regress about 30 years? Then keep painting Hillary Clinton as a Washington fat-cat with too much political expediency.
2008 is a reality check folks. We have the opportunity to vote for a candidate that makes sense or a couple of candidates that will make us feel less guilty about all of the shit that has happened over the last 7 years. I'll delve into who's who later.
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