The Smelly Cheese

A pragmatic take on the most foul stuff on the planet: politics.

TLA

Welcome to the "No Reward Zone."

Written by Captain Spork on 12:55 PM

Not surprisingly Best Buy and the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers have something in common: They both think that we're all a bunch of fucking idiots.

For those that frequent Buy More... err.. I mean Best Buy, you are probably familiary with their "rewards" system. It seems pretty simple. You buy shit at their store and scan your rewards card with each purchase to earn "points." Those points can eventually be redeemed for "gift certificates." These certificates can be sent by "snail mail," or this new fangled invention called "electronic mail." Perhaps you're more familiar with it's shortened name "email."
According to the best buy reward zone website having your certificates physically mailed will take approximately 6-8 weeks or more specifically some time long enough for you to forget about said certificates. Electronic mail delivery will allow you to, "receive your reward certificates faster." This is where Best Buy and myself seem to occupy two separate realities. I've been sending and receiving "email," for about 15 years and the true beauty of it is that your message is sent almost instantly. The "mail" doesn't have to make any lengthy sojourn across states lines or international borders. The Internet is in fact a virtual network. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f99PcP0aFNE

So you can understand my surprise when, after checking my "points status" at the Best Buy website yesterday, I saw that two $20 certificates were "issued on 01/16/08." I had already my inbox for the certificates and clearly there was nothing wrong on my end of the interweb galactic interface, since I was still receiving plenty of other fabulous offers from Best Buy and their subsidiaries.

What had happened? Was my electronic mail stolen by certificate-hording Internet gnomes? Did I need to approve Best Buy as "my friend," before using the certificates? No. Sadly none of these explanations were true. After speaking with Jeff, a man who was clearly located in the contiguous United States, the culprit appears to be the painstaking process of electronic gift certificate making.

I was unaware that after I've earned enough "reward points," to elicit one or more gift certificates and the Best Buy computer system acknowledges that fact, that's when the real work begins. It's a process that can take up to 7 business days. Boy was I wrong about the Internet. Apparently, sending out electronic certificates isn't the insanely simple automated computer function I thought it was. Of course Jeff, the helpful young man on the phone, couldn't reveal the inner-workings of this magical process so I can only imagine how it all goes down.

It probably all starts in the certificate factory, where a small group of master blacksmiths make hammer out the mold for what will become my certificate. While normally this process would take months, Best Buy makes sure that the blacksmiths have the pure steel version of the certificate ready in 2 days. Then it is sent to a world class artist/calligrapher where the steel is decorated in yellow and blue gold flakes. Real gold flakes, folks. After the hand written information is sealed on with a layer of polyolefin, the certificate is sent off to the Best Buy 3D Supermega Imager 500. This where my gold flaked certificate is rearranged molecule by molecule and eventually shrunk down to a two-dimensional image that can be more easily transported. It's a good thing too, because in order for the certificate to reach my inbox it will have to travel 24 straight hours through the Best Buy interweb underground tubing system.
I guess I should just consider myself lucky if the certificate arrives in one piece. After all, a company like Best Buy would never purposely delay the delivery of rewards, cash or prizes in order to inflate the appearance of their actual earnings.




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John Gibson: Asshole or the biggest asshole?

Written by Captain Spork on 12:53 PM

There has to be some special kind of hell for people like John Gibson. For the record, I really enjoyed Heath Ledger as an actor and was very interested in seeing him as the Joker in the next Batman film. More importantly it's sad that he's no longer alive.

It's sick enough that some asshat has a radio show with which he can mock the dead and preach hate politics, but it's even sicker that there are people listening to him and laughing along.

For those people, I feel the ultimate pity.

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Seriously, you're embarrassing yourself

Written by Captain Spork on 4:34 PM

Below a video of Chris Matthews' rambling, "I'm sorry that some of you were offended," faux apology for insulting Senator Hillary Clinton after she won the New Hampshire primary. To recap the inciting incident these were his words, verbatim:


"Look, I think that may be true. I think the Hillary appeal has always been somewhat about her mix of toughness and sympathy for her. Let's not forget -- and I'll be brutal -- the reason she's a U.S. senator, the reason she's a candidate for president, the reason she may be a front-runner is her husband messed around. That's how she got to be senator from New York. We keep forgetting it.

She didn't win there on her merit. She won because everybody felt, 'My God, this woman stood up under humiliation,' right? That's what happened. That's how it happened. In 1998 she went to New York and campaigned for Chuck Schumer as almost like the grieving widow of absurdity, and she did it so well and courageously, but it was about the humiliation of Bill Clinton."

For the full context of the conversation look back a few entries here or check out the clip
here http://mediamatters.org/items/200801090008.


Well, first off Chris seems to have an odd sense of "heat of the moment." I don't think he
was in the middle of a heated discussion about anything when he said. In fact I think
that's the most mellow I've ever seen him on television. The conversation he was having
was in fact a one-way conversation and there wasn't any "moment" for Matthews to get
carried away in. Not once does he even get that fucking disgusting old-man spittle at the
corners of his mouth.

In his verbose, self-aggrandizing apology the words "apologize," "sorry," "regret," or
"remorse," never come up. Nor does the phrase, "I was wrong." The only thing this
cro-magnon regrets is that his viewers, his colleagues and his boss "perceived," he was
behaving like an ass. He doesn't like the Clintons, especially Hillary. But rather than
admit that truth he gets wet in his loins every time a Clinton utters a syllable and slings
verbal arrows under the guise of journalism. Then when he gets slapped on the wrist for
behaving badly he wants his viewers to believe that he only says these things because, "he
cares too much," about politics and politicians.

Here's the hypocracy. The man that plays Hardball with all of his political guests, the
same man that demands complete and total straightforwardness from the politicians has
himself given a "politician's apology." There were a lot of words said, but after 5
minutes there wasn't any accountability. Sure, it sounded like he was apologizing but the
man couldn't actually push pass the threshold of semi-regret.


Chris Matthews has been exposed in the past two years as lecherous, disgusting human being
that truly cannot see the difference between real life and politics. He exists in a bubble
of straw-man arguments and D.C. media junk. The sad part is I think he's trying to do
these controversial things because he knows that Keith Olbermann is the new face of MSNBC
and the new standard of liberal political pundits. It's sad for Matthews because, unlike
Olbermann, he can't actually contribute any real journalism or insight to the culture. He
can only bloviate, pontificate and frustrate those around him.

My only wish is for him to stay on the air long enough for Tom Brokaw to scold him again
for behaving like a 61-year old petulant child.

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It's too late to apologize... Chris Matthews.

Written by Captain Spork on 4:11 PM

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Happy Blu Year!!!

Written by Captain Spork on 7:03 PM

My friends have laughed at me for my slavish loyalty to the SONY brand name, but it has never steered me wrong in the personal electronics world. Sure you pay a lot extra for the brand, but goddamn it you're gonna get a good machine. So why would I stray from the family of Sony products when choosing a next generation dvd player? I blame Microsoft. I blame Halo 3. That's who I blame.


Having already purchased an xbox 360, I was less the $200 away from having a fully integrated HDDVD home entertainment system. It seemed like a reasonable trade off at the time. Xbox clearly had more kick-ass games than the Sony PS3 and I could watch a plethora of movie titles in hi-def on Toshiba's HDDVD format. Winner, right? Yes... for about 2 months. Then Warner Bros announced that it would no longer be releasing movies in both formats. Game, set and match. The high definition war has been won by Sony. The future is indeed Blu-ray. Oh, don't worry if you plunked down a bunch of cash for those slightly less expensive HDDVD players and movies you can still watch them. Just know that basically 75% of all movies that are released in hi-def aren't available to you.

Thanks a lot Toshiba! What the fuck was I thinking? Toshiba. When has Toshiba ever come out with anything that screams, "Oh, yeah! I gotsta get me one of those Toshibas!" Now it makes sense why the HDdvd player was so cheap in the first place. I knew I should've waited it out. Now I'm forced start my dvd collection all over again.


By the power of Thor, Greyskull and any other fictitious deity... I will never ignore my insane need to by Sony products again.

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Speedy Checkout

Written by Captain Spork on 12:44 PM


We're all familiar with the idea of "express checkout." It's for those folks who would like to buy a handful of items but can't wait for a mother feeding what seems like a small battalion of sugar-consuming bug monsters (think Vincent D'Onofrio in MIB 2). In theory it's a win-win situation for everyone. Though ever so slowly all kinds of shopping outlets have been fucking around with the very definition of express or "speedy" checkout.


20 items or less for a express lane? No frakking way. Blurg that. When the hell did 20 items constitute a quick transaction? Never, that's when. 10 items or less, 15 maximum and that's pushing it. Let's be honest depending on the IQ and motivation level of your "checker," those 15-20 items could have you yearning for the days when you could've easily scooted up behind the morbidly obese woman purchasing 200 cans of Fancy Feast.


Sure 20 widgets doesn't sound like an overly absurd amount in theory, but practically? Come on people. You know that once you give that guy with 18 things in his shopping cart an inch he's gonna take a mile. "Oh, what's that sir? You'd like three packs of Marlboro light and four books of stamps? Why certainly." Nor can we forget the old lady who's got 16 coupons for 14 items... and has to end up writing a check because she got Walmart and Walgreen's confused.


I've saved the best for last. There is a special level of hell for the absent minded guy on his phone that "accidentally" found himself in the express lane. Coincidentally, his cart has 4,000 items in it. "Oh I didn't realize this was the express line," he protests. You didn't realize? Oh, that's a simple mistake. These stores make it so difficult to discern which line is which. I know I was really confused when I saw that 3 ft flashing cube of light with the words,"Express Checkout: 15 items or less," that is currently 20 inches from your face. But hey, how could you tell.


If you're like me and you want this kind of blatant corruption to be thwarted, please support the Kucinich/Gravel ticket in 2008. Together, we can do anything. Additionally, we can make alien abduction and the inevitable probing a more pleasant and productive experience for every citizen.


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Chris Matthews Clinton Hate-Boner: Day 2963

Written by Captain Spork on 7:44 PM

Admittedly, all of Washington DC enjoyed declaring Hillary's campaign dead and anointing Obama as the "King of New America," or something. Still there's something warm and fuzzy about Matthew's brand of seething contempt.

Now, I thought I knew how to hold on to "old stuff" and let it fester inside to a boiling rage but this man needs to be medicated. I don't think Chelsea, Bill or Hillary combined has thought about Lewinksy-gate as much as Matthews. I love the second part, which is just pure, sexist, Irish Catholic bravado. Sure Chris, she was elected senator of New York because they felt sorry for her. Have you ever been to New York in the last twenty years Chris? Ummm, let's just say not a real "touchy-feely" kind of state.

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Tom Brokaw has to bitch slap Chris Matthews.

Written by Captain Spork on 7:29 PM

Exhibit 1A in the case of "Matthews vs. Reality." Yes, Chris there is actual journalism outside of reporting poll results.

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Don't Tell New Hampshire What it can't do!!!

Written by Captain Spork on 6:59 PM



The great state of New Hampshire has spoken. Much to the entire Washington press core's dismay, older white folks declared they like the white lady slightly better than the black guy. While a smaller group of even older, whiter people declared that they like... the oldest, whitest guy.


Goddamn it! Now we have to sit through 48 more of these damn primary things. Yes, I'm sorry "guy that writes for the New Republic," you'll actually have to wait until the other 99% of the country weighs in before you can go back to playing Call of Duty 4 at the office.



Jonny Stewart summarized things best on "A" Daily Show last night:

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Blowjob Gate 2008: Lewinsky Redux Edition

Written by Captain Spork on 4:48 PM


I must have missed something in the last two months because Hillary Clinton transformed from the strongest national candidate and "inevitable" Democratic nominee to a cash-strapped, battered woman on the verge of tears.



Oh, you missed that too? You probably did because Mrs. Clinton is in fact not working the street corner for a twenty as the media would have believe? In fact virtually nothing has happened in any debate to any of the candidates of any significance to warrant the recent poll numbers shift. The candidates have been saying all the same crap ad nauseum. What did happen is the national media got bored with Hillary and sick of seeing Bill Clinton no the campaign trail again. Did Barack Obama suddenly wake up with more foreign policy experience? Did foreign policy become suddenly less important? Did Iowans turn on a dime and decide "Hey, I remember that lady when she was married to the other President! She ain't no good,"? Simply, no.
I find it hard to believe that voters are going to turn away because they're still smarting from the wagging "I did not have sex" finger. Are we really going to punish a woman for using her husband's popularity to launch her career? I say if it's good enough for Courtney Love then it's good enough for Hillary Clinton. Plus she's not going to be flashing her goods to everybody inside a Dairy Queen 5 years from now.
The media has become very adept at dictating the national agenda when it wants to (except when the subject matter isn't important like going to war and civil liberties). The national media has also become very adept at counting their chickens before they've hatched. And by chickens I mean votes, facts and stuff. Let's take a deep breath and let the other 49 states vote before someone is given the Wall Street Journal/CBS presidential crown/tiara.

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Obama's Victory Speech

Written by Captain Spork on 4:41 PM

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The Obamanator

Written by Captain Spork on 3:53 PM

It's an Obamanation!! Obama Slamma Jamma! Sorry, I'm very immature. Yes it's true, I've got a fever and the only prescription is more Obama. If Oprah likes the guy how can he not be the next president? Especially if every Obama supporter gets a new car (I'll take the cash minus taxes).



The people of Iowa have spoken and they want "change." They also want the entire country's media and presidential candidates to fall all over themselves in a effort to sway less than 0.005% of the voting public. So I'm obligated to again state, "fuck you Iowa," and deliver a premptive "fuck yourself," to New Hampshire. That's right shut up and keep pumping out your second-place maple syrup you pretentious bastards. I digress...



Barack Obama looks and feels like the best leader we've seen in years. He's refreshingly different (codespeak= black guy that doesn't sound like Al Sharpton), he's honest (codespeak=he hasn't been around long enough for me to catch him in a lie) and he stands for hope (codespeak= he doesn't say anything that upsets me). At this very moment, Barack could begin selling time shares in New Mexico at the end of every speech and I'd probably by one. Why? He's got the mojo workin'. He's selling his own charisma and absolutely nothing else. The guy has a completely unremarkable senate voting record and yet he's the candidate for "change." He's got money coming out his ass yet he's still seen as the "son of goat herder." I haven't seen a politician sell his own suaveness this well since... Bill Clinton. Ironically the same man that is trying to rip him apart right now.

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Stewart/Colbert in 2008... on TV... again!!!

Written by Captain Spork on 3:40 PM

They're back and doesn't it feel good.
Who better to mock the greedy corporations than two comedy writers that are being forced back to work by greedy corporations? Sure all the jokes aren't winners but those two guys can generally bring the funny. And don't we need some funny in the news again? Haven't we had enough of Mit Romney disagreeing with Mike Huckabee about who eats at IHOP more often thus proving themselves more "American." Let truthiness rain!

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Happy Fucking New Year!

Written by Captain Spork on 3:33 PM

Watching Dick Clark count down to the new year creeped me out. I feel bad for the guy. Does he really want to be rolled out like a zombie to do the "ball drop." Please Ryan Seacrest, stop torturing Dick Clark you fucking tool.

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Michael Eisner: There's no money in the internet.

Written by Captain Spork on 3:08 PM


I'm going to go "tv geek" for a split second and shine some more light on this whole "writer's strike" bidness since, shockingly, large media conglomerates aren't doing a lot of reporting on the subject. (Hint: They don't want you to notice "Grey's Anatomy" will be off the air for 3 months and replaced with "Who wants to be my Mommy?" or "Are You Smarter than a person with Dwarfism?")


Apparently Mike Eisner, CEO of Disney, has yet to find a way to make any cash off this crazy new thing called the "interweb." http://www.alleyinsider.com/2007/11/eisner-on-that.html

Thus he can't give the writers a share of money that isn't being made. Uh huh. So, exactly where does the $1.99 per episode fee of "Desperate Housewives," on iTunes go Mike? How about "Lost?" Or "Grey's?" Or the $12.99 for the new Pirates movie? Unless Steve Jobs has compromising photos of Eisner (which is a distinct possibly given Jobs bent on world domination) I'm guessing Disney gets a healthy portion of all those download fees. I also suspect that revenue from 4-5 advertisements that one has to sit through while watching streaming video on abc.com isn't being donated to the Salvation Army either.


But, Mikey Mouse says that his company literally hasn't a penny to spare from all these internet ventures. So where does all that money go? I have a theory. Eisner has signed Disney up to a terrible Internet provider. Think about it. The average consumer pays anywhere from $25-50 for high speed Internet right? Millions of those same customers are downloading Disney products from the web. So how is Disney going to house those millions of digital television shows and movies? A gigantic Internet server "lock box." Al Gore talked about it and we all laughed at him, but now it has come to pass. Do you know what kind of monthly bill Disney is racking up by having to house that much information. Let's see... Comcast charges me $42.95 so... Disney is probably paying a 37.96 gazillion dollars for Internet service. And don't forget the state tax fees, cause Disney has to pay for all 50 states too.


So now we can all see why there's just simply no money in online video entertainment. It's just too darn expensive. So suck it up you crybaby writers! I'm looking at you "24!" What the hell was that last season? Has Keifer Sutherland gotten the entire staff drunk by osmosis?

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Pack up the kids honey, we're goin' to Iran.

Written by Captain Spork on 2:52 PM


At this point I think we all have to assume that Dubya is clearly not well. I mean it's one thing for political cartoonists and Al Jazeera to make our president out to be some right-wing nutjob hurling bombs at any country he wants, but now the man is truly fucking scaring me.




World be warned! We don't even need shitty intelligence to bomb your ass. If you're thinking about it, we're coming for you. If you've got arabic speaking people in your country and you build a fucking tool shed... Boo Ya!!! What a great foreign policy. I'm serious. Isn't the next logical step to develop some kind of "thought crime" task force ala "Minority Report," and just wait for the magical eight ball to tell us which countries are going to attack next. I say full steam ahead, especially if Tom Cruise heads up the task force and Speilberg is directing the NSA.


America, fuck yeah!

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We're at war people!

Written by Captain Spork on 11:30 AM


While we're busy trying to "fight them over there," so we don't have to "fight them here,"... they have apparently have been attempting to join our fight so they can then turn around and start hitting themselves in the face. Your confused, I'm confused. The LA times provides a much more clear and disturbing picture.


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The Great Barack Debate

Written by Captain Spork on 5:45 PM


While the mainstream media's "love/hate boner" (pending copyright) for the Clinton political machine lingers for what has to be a medically unsafe amount of time, our polling data at the Smelly Cheese allows us to officially call the 2008 presidential race for... the Clinton/Obama ticket. Yes, that's right. We're going to have a white woman as president and black man as her vice president.




Barack needs to be ready to accept the VP nomination. Why? Do I need to say it? America is not electing a black man as president. Trent Lott is still technically a United States senator, case and point. Don Imus is going to get another job, Bill O'Reilly still has a job... point being there are still a lot of really powerful yet ignorant, white asshats all over this country. And as long as Toby Keith still has red/white/blue blood boiling underneath that straw cowboy hat you can be damn certain that an African American named "Barack Obama," will never be elected to commander-in-chief.




"Please Barack, don't make this any harder than it already is... It's me not you." The guy has barely been a senator for half of his first term and as far as I can glean his campaign is about "change," and "hope." He seems like a good man and he's going to get the all important "Oprah," endorsement but he has one glaring flaw... he doesn't actually have the "audacity" to stand for what he believes in. Hillary Clinton is a fucking flawed candidate. She's got major weaknesses, the most important one being her 2002 Iraq war vote hanging around her neck. Yet, Obama has danced around the issue behaving like a gentleman at a dinner party politely pointing out that another guest has crumbs on their shirt. If Barack doesn't have the chutzpah to tell Hillary she's a calculating, cold-hearted bitch, how exactly is he going confront the inevitable "old-timey" racism in the general election. Will he be able to clearly convey his anti-war stance amidst the beating of the republican "national security" drum? Can he even do that now?




Here's what I know about the Clintons, they're savvy politicians. Bill, more than Hillary, has such a silver tongue that he can literally tell you exactly what you don't want to hear... and make it palatable. Hillary has become much more adept at this tactic, but instead of being considered a master politician she gets labeled as a combination of Martha Stewart and Medusa. The Clintons are professional liars aka, politicians... and they're fucking great at it. Bill left office with a 64% approval rating. That's after he got put through impeachment proceedings for getting a hummer. They have international credibility and experience dealing with the other side of the political spectrum. I trust Bill and Hillary making the next big foreign policy decision. I don't know or trust Obama because he has no record of any decision making. "I was against the decision to go to war in 2002." That's great Barack, you were a fucking state senator in Illinois when you had to make that gutsy political move. Oddly enough though, since you've been playing in the big leagues your voting record looks strikingly familiar to Mrs. Clinton's and every other democrat.


The very sad truth is that I want Barack Obama to be president. He seems like a good human being with the kind of charisma that a natural leader should have. However, that is unfortunately not enough in today's political climate and I have to put my money on the horse that's going to win the race not the one that makes me feel good about myself. In 2016 Mr. Obama will become the next president because by then we will be a more tolerant bunch, ready to accept not just a black president but probably an African American, lesbian secretary of defense.... wait, we already have that now. See we're already makin' progress people.

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Iowa, get over yourself.

Written by Captain Spork on 11:08 PM


"Hillary leads in newest Iowa poll," and "Can conservative Iowa voters get behind Giuliani?" are just a few headlines that will most likely be gracing virtually every news website in the next 72 hours. And I'm here to pose a question: Why the fuck does anyone care? First off, we still have a year before anyone is going to be elected and secondly why the hell is Iowa determining who our next president will be?


You can't go to the bathroom without knowing how voters in Iowa feel about all of the pressing issues of facing our country. Yes, Iowa is really goddamn important and, "all of you metrosexual city slickers better remember where you get your corn from or else..." Let's not fool around kids. I love my roasted chili corn salsa.




And what pray tell is on the average "hawkeye's" mind you ask? Immigration.
Really Iowa? Really? 3.5% of your population consists of "foreign-born," people. That's about 100,000 out of 3,000,000. Let's say hypothetically there's another 100,000 "illegals," working in state. That's bumps your entire "immigration situation" (pending copyright) to a whopping 6-7% of your populous. That's not an immigration problem, that's called having Hispanic looking people work the late shift at the KFC. Now, when you're state is spending $10 billion/yr educating and treating people that technically don't "exist,".... now that's a immigration problem.
New rule. Unless your state borders another country (Canada doesn't count) or a large oceanic shipping port you can't claim "illegal immigrants" as your top voting concern.

More to the point, why is this Iowa "caucus," so freaking important to every presidential candidate? Is it simply because they vote first? What a great way to determine the leader of the free world. "Hey wait a second... Ryan Seacrest has received 73% of the vote in Iowa. Well, I guess the rest of the country should stop voting and the white house staff should stock the oval office with large amount of hair gel." Bulletproof thinking right there.

That's like asking the first person that comes into a restaurant what the rest of patrons want to eat.
Waitress: "What would you like today sir?"
Old crazy guy with purple suspenders: "I want bananas with barbecue sauce."
Waitress: "Okay... Ya hear that folks? Today's menu is "Bananas with BBQ sauce."

Ladies and Gentlemen, we cannot allow the old crazy man with purple suspenders pick our president. So get your shit together Iowa and get back to making corn.






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Bonds,... Bail Bonds.

Written by Captain Spork on 4:10 PM


Barry Bonds is not being indicted by a federal grand jury because he cheated the game of baseball. He's not being indicted for lying to a grand jury or obstructing justice or evading taxes. He is not the victim of a conspiracy against black superstar athletes (I don't think Bonds would want himself lumped in with the likes of Mike Vick anyway). Barry Bonds is having the Fed's hammer brought down on his ass today because he is grade -A, 100% pure, major league douchebag. Pure and simple.


We're not going to here Mark McGwire's name being thrown around in any indictments. Do you think Sammy Sosa was any less "enhanced," during his homerun marathon days? Nope, cheating to play better baseball isn't unforgivable nor is lying about cheating but Bonds is guilty of the worst kind of public sin: He lied and was a Giant dick about it. In our culture if you lie and then kinda sorta confess with any ounce of remorse you will receive absolution most of the time. But denying the truth and being a really sanctimoniously dickheadish about the fact that you're lying.... oh you can just take your $100 million dollars and go to your room mister!


So here's to Barry Bonds. A cheater, a liar and an all around jackass. To those who think I'm being judgemental because none of us really "know" Bonds on a personal level and he could just be the victim of a vengeful sports media, I say nay. I say nay and shut the hell up because you're obviously a moron. When a public figure largely behaves like a childish fuckwad toward his co-workers, his fans and the people that report on his livelihood... I think it's safe to say that he's 80-90% asshole. Just because he was nice to your kid that one time at the In N' Out Burger doesn't mean "the media" is out to get him. And also just because the guy hugs his son whenever he hits a home run that doesn't mean he's a good person. Everyone likes their own kids. And Bonds likes himself so much that he wants to parade his children around so people can see what a "good father," he's being. In the words of Chris Rock, "You supposed to you dumb mutha fucker!"


H. Jackson Brown wrote, "Our character is what we do when we think no one is looking." Apparently with Bonds this involves some injections, balms and pills.


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